70 Thoughts I had while watching Rocky Aur Rani kii Prem Kahaani

Anisha Saigal
5 min readAug 4, 2023

(all opinions are mine, unhinged; you can unsubscribe or post hate comments. My employer or anyone has nothing to do with these)

Rocky’s aesthetic is not any part of Delhi. Not even exaggerated South Delhi Girls trope vids but I’ll take them mostly because it’s Karan Johar.

Um, is this Rocky theme Deewangi Deewangi redux ft. KJo’s nepo baby universe?

Why isn’t SRK — the original Dilli ka launda — featured here?

Rocky’s family needs therapy.

Bhadralok intensifies.

I love that everyone in the theatre is rooting for geriatric romance. Gives me hope that my favourite ex (read most toxic man from a different country) and I have a future after all.

But wait, I’ll have to marry and have kids and their kids will have to have grandkids and one of them has to be a journalist/content person for that narrative to move.

Not worth the risk. I could just download Hinge.

Should I be concerned that Dharmendra has really done a great job being sickly?

Should I be concerned that the last couple of geriatrics in Dharma Productions conked off after the film (Farooq Shaikh, Rishi Kapoor)?

Should I go to Kashmir and imagine romancing my ex and come back and land straight at his house?

Nah. Way too intense even for the Bollywood simp in me.

BRO, SO IT’S NOT JUST RANI WHO FEELS SHE’S MISSING HER EX BETWEEN WORK?

They do have chemistry, I take my words back.

Rani really felt her 30s breakup in this film.

I’m not buying this Gurgaon highway proposal.

FUCK, RANI IS A FEARFUL AVOIDANT AND ROCKY IS ANXIOUSLY ATTACHED. THEY ARE A DISASTER TOGETHER.

Bro, this whole conversation between Rani and Rocky and their future is giving me PTSD about a similar conversation I was a part of not too long ago.

As an LSR undergrad, I can confirm, I regret every single dating choice that I made past 28.

I’d do it all over again and not change a single thing.

This whole reunion is reminding me if should I have stuck around with the OG Gurgaon boy in my life. He was so heartbroken that he moved to NYC and while I’m still swiping in Udyog Vihar.

Nah, it’s fine. #NoRagrets

Rocky’s toxic Punjabi family and Rani’s unbothered Bengali family can collectively explain my weird attachment issues. I’m really feeling it.

Diljeet’s the man, this number is better than the entire soundtrack of the film put together.

The bra scene will go down in history as the most debated Karan Johar film scene in recent times.

Everyone needs a content person in their family. Everyone. Including Dhanalakshmi Laddoo brigade.

Of course, Punjabis are shown to be highly critical of Indian performative art. Of course, Bengalis are shown to have microaggression in the company of Punjabis.

Rocky at the family intervention speech is reminding me of me during my appraisal meeting with my boss.

Boss move by Karan Johar to address cancellation as a part of his screenplay and respond to haters. If I had 500 crore kinda budget, I’d also do the same but I have to resort to free writing sites like these.

I’m going to KMS if I have to hear Ar*j*t do another track please I’ll take Ranveer rapping at this point. Teri Gully Mein, Gully Gully Gully Mein.

PAIRI PAUNAAA- IZZAT AADHI NAHI HOTI; LINE OF THE YEAR, FR FR.

BEHN DI VI NHI BOL SAKDE HUN?

Can Gayatri teach me trading and give me tips? The last guy I dated was supposed to help me understand trading but he ditched.

Maybe, I should find a Delhi gym bro, and teach him kalchar. Maybe it’s time to be in my delulu era and be sure that I can indeed change him.

Ranveer Singh has single-handedly solved racism.

Rani embracing religion and doing pooja is giving me trauma from when a man tried to tell me I’ll have to [redacted], after dating me for like 3 months.

Yeah, definitely want a Golden Retriever gym bro a la Rocky from Delhi who I can transform into my golden kalchar goodest boy.

Oh man, intercultural romance is hard. This whole film is giving me PTSD and trauma.

Yeah no shit, if a relationship has no sex, it is bound to fail.

Rani’s parents, telling her she’s wrong, are reminding me of mine, Jesus f&ck.

RANI IS REMINDING ME OF ME, JESUS F*CK WHAT IS THIS FILM.

The difference between a Karan Johar film and real life is that irl adult parents will never push their kids into the arms of a difficult man-child and his family, especially if they see their daughter doing her damn best to adjust to the guy and his idiosyncrasies.

Kaleshi Kudi Rani has taught Rocky’s mom to counter Punjabi family terrorism with absurdity. I mean…

It’s all about loving your family? Nah, it’s all about facing generational trauma head on.

Wah yaar Karan, clapping ho jaaye.

Laddoo khaana hai yaar, fuck.

PVR should give laddoo instead of popcorn.

Punjabi dadi kalesh max pro 14 in purple.

Khoon ka rishta aur mohabbat ka rishta ek jaisa nahi hota. For example, my ex and I had the same blood group but he had no love for me.

Why is Tijori always dressed like he has to be in a Manyavar ad campaign?

Dharmendra is still the most charming Deol second to Abhay.

Jesus f*ck do I have to watch another grandfather dying for real? Was mine dying in front of me not enough trauma for a lifetime?

It’s fitting that a funeral at the White House has everyone wearing white.

VIP cremation spot. I know it cause I’ve attended a VIP cremation.

Grief unites all, of course. Except Punjabi dadi kalesh max pro 14 in purple.

Why do all KJo family drama films have a dramatic cremation towards the fag end of the film? Like can we do a games night next time?

Yaar bro, kaafi lambi film hai, matlab khatam nahi ho rahi.

WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROCKY DIDN’T BLOCK HER AFTER THIS BREAK-UP?!

How is he coping without his bestie at the cremation? Continuity error?

This isn’t post-grief healing, this is unhinged behaviour by Tijori. You can’t fix generational trauma and shitshow behaviour with one casual moment.

Poonam, listen to me sweetie: block, delete, unsubscribe from your husb’s bullshit. Bestie run tf away, please.

Boo, happy ending. Stanks.

Rani, bestie, you had to go to work and he’s serenading you with Baba Sehgal, bestie your salary will get cut. Go to work.

Prem Kahani toh first half me khatam ho gayi bro but the second half was a nice social commentary that could have been split in 9 reels on gram across feminism, material objects, objectification, and women against women among other themes.

Rocky, you make me want to date a Delhi gym bro.

​Karan Johar has single-handedly fixed generational trauma, cancel culture, and intercultural romance all between the enmeshment of values from Vicky Donor, Devdas/Parineeta, K3G, Shaandaar.

Everything is okay but when is Rani doing her job?

What about the rape case she highlighted? What about the minister?

What about Ranveer’s sister’s job? I want to know how’s her first day at work and if she made friends and if she’s swiping at dudes in Udyog Vihar

I want to know who is now selling laddoos?

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Anisha Saigal

Purveyor of OTT Originals// custodian of cringe// entertainment and culture writer